


Sunday Child

by BlackVelvet42



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: 25 Days of Voyager, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Mother-Daughter Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-14 03:24:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16905189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackVelvet42/pseuds/BlackVelvet42
Summary: "Even though she was still a child, she knew better than to let herself fall apart."





	Sunday Child

**Author's Note:**

  * For [devovere](https://archiveofourown.org/users/devovere/gifts).



> Two ideas twined into one, so this is not only Day 8 of the 25 Days of Voyager, but also a gift to the eternally wonderful devovere. Happy Birthday, Devo! 
> 
> My deepest thank you for the beta, MiaCooper and Killermanatee.

* * *

 

 

She was born on a Sunday, a day before Christmas.

Blessed with her father’s dimples and her mother’s blue eyes, people described her as a source of light and joy. And her parents, ever since she could remember, kept telling her that she was the most precious surprise life could have gifted them.

Closer to her father than she ever was to her more absent mother, the base of her existence was pulled from beneath her feet in one heartbeat when he died.

She was barely fourteen and left alone in every sense that mattered as her mother, the image of strength and resilience, simply shut down before her eyes.

There was little room for grief when the one person who should have been there for her to lean upon, the person she had admired and relied on for guidance and support, withdrew behind the uniform.

Even though she was still a child, she knew better than to let herself fall apart.

Trying to reach out to her mother proved useless. She would see an attempted smile fading away, a glimpse of clarity and responsiveness disappearing behind a wall of numbness. Soon enough, she gave up trying to approach her and followed her example.

The house she had grown up in ceased to feel like home. It was too quiet, too empty, too lonely now that her mother was gone almost as completely as her father.

She left the moment she could.

Despite the path her parents had pointed out for her and most expected her to follow, traveling through the vastness of space and seeking what lay beyond the visible stars held no appeal to her. Instead, she had always been enchanted by the mysteries of Earth, tempted to sink her feet into the ancient grounds and dive into the oceans that would continue to exist long after she was gone.

That journey called her louder than ever before, promising an escape and a means to forget. The whole world was waiting for her. Why would she not embrace it?

Her mother’s objection and attempt to stop her only escalated her disappointment into open contempt. But even though she regretted her last spiteful words the moment they left her lips, the hurt in her mother’s eyes ensured she would not stand in her way again.

Friends and relatives all said she was just like her mother, stubborn and reckless, seeking adventure and danger, with little regard to her life. Their messages reached her wherever she traveled, flooding her - choking her -  with compassion and understanding and sincere offers to help her any way they could. Each one assuring her that one day the pain would pass, and life would feel worth living again.

That all she needed was to come back home.

Dismissing them was easy, empowering even. Without a second’s consideration, she shrugged off their pitiful attempts to connect with her, their insolence at assuming they knew anything about her.

She was nothing like her mother. She was fine. And there was nothing for her that was worth returning to.

At the same time, she tried not to think too closely about the ache in her chest, channeling into a restlessness in her bones. She only knew there had to be a place for her in the world and she would damn well find it on her own.

But no matter how fast or how far she wandered, the shadows followed right behind her. Weighing her steps, haunting her dreams, attacking her when she least expected.

A dark stranger disappearing behind a corner would remind her of her father; a child’s laughter would evoke a flashback of times when she had been carefree; a soft breeze caressing her skin and twirling in her hair would stir a recollection of her mother’s loving touch.

The memories came unwanted, quaking the calm she thought she had managed to build.

So she kept moving, from the timeless deserts to the remains of arctic glaciers, taking risks and seeking the next high, exhausting her body and giving away her heart, over and over again, to extraordinary places and people so unlike anything she had encountered back home, experiencing more than she had ever dreamed possible and chasing a peace that stayed out of her reach.

And when every shore and mountain had been explored, every city and ancient ruin marveled to a point when nothing new pierced through to her withered soul, she broke down, curled on the floor of a nameless motel, in the middle of a continent her wasted mind could not recall, pouring out the last of her fight into hopeless tears until no more were left.

Returning home was not what she expected, her mother not the woman she remembered.

How a few years could drain life from someone the whole world had regarded invulnerable, nearly immortal, was too much to comprehend. Her spirit had turned pale and gray, the fire within her faded into a memory.

The uniform hugged her narrow frame like armor, still providing her with the aura of power and command, but underneath, infiltrating her whole being, was the same pain she remembered before she had left, only more visible now that the shields around it had weakened.

Perhaps her own defenses had softened too, her consciousness awakened from the fog of youth, able to see the world and people as they were, instead of how she wished them to be.

In the silent embrace of her mother, she found solace and the beginning of healing. Neither was able to find the right words, but at least they were seeking comfort and support in each other, mourning for the years and happiness lost, like they should have done ages ago.

After the long run, her life had come to a standstill.

Without a clear destination or hopes beyond the present, she stayed. Not because she or her mother wouldn’t manage on their own, but because some instinct told her this was her place right now. They still needed one another – and more time.

Picking up the pieces of her broken heart and finding a direction in life was harder than she thought it would be.

Most of the people she had known had moved on, scattered around the quadrant in pursuit of their goals. She, on the other hand, had just fulfilled the only dream she had held for the future, the years of traveling draining her need for excitement, at least for a while.

At the edge of her mind, shadows she had long refused to identify kept distracting her, the past derailing her from the present. Without a name or a form, those dark currents seemed to hold power over her every breath and escape her efforts to control them.

Countless hours, she spent by her window staring at the silent skies for answers, sitting in cafés, alone in the crowd, wandering along the streets of a city she had once called home. Persistent in trying to bring order into chaos, to find some sense to her existence.

Gradually, coherence did emerge out of the darkness.

Her thoughts kept rewinding back to her childhood, to memories buried under layers of hurt and neglect. Retrieved with difficulty, they first re-emerged as sensations and emotions, then as flashes of specific moments, and finally as whole scenes and conversations.

She remembered the warmth and security that had cradled her throughout her early years. The home built upon her parents’ love for each other, never once faltering regardless of the obstacles thrown at them. She recalled the reassuring words and gentle encouragement, lifting her up whenever she fell, all she experienced filling her with a belief that the world was essentially good, dreams existed to inspire action, and that in her heart she held all the strength and wisdom needed to find her way.

Despite her home crumbling apart later, she found the light once twined into her soul had remained. Wherever she would go, whatever she would decide to do, that love would always continue to nourish her.

And with that insight, she finally did find her peace.

 

∞

 

She met him on a Sunday, a warm midsummer afternoon in the park.

Her studies were almost done and the prospects for the near future filled her with joy and contentment. Sitting alone on the bench, her heart felt light like the reflections of the sun glimmering on the water.

Maybe it was her dimpled smile that made him stop, maybe the sun dancing in her long hair. But he did stop and sit next to her, and never left her side again.

The all-consuming passion of their first months eventually evolved into a more serene togetherness, needs of two finding a balance, separate paths merging into one. Yet she hesitated in bringing him to her mother.

Cautious and considerate, he asked her why, but she had no clear answer.

Her mother’s approval or disapproval made no difference. She didn’t need her opinion to recognize happiness or to make her own decisions. But she did want her mother being a part of their life and she couldn’t envision her reaction to her engagement.

In many ways, her mother was still shielding her heart, the memories she had buried there too cherished, too painful to be brought out into the open. After years of rebuilding their bond, what they’d achieved was still so fragile. Deep down, no matter how irrational, her biggest fear was that she’d lose her mother all over again.

But when they finally made it to her door, the look on her mother’s face instantly washed away all her worries.

At the sight of their nervous smiles and shiny golden rings, her mother’s hand flew to her chest. Lips curling into a slow smile, her whole being seemed to come into bloom again.

Rising above the sorrow she had worn like a second skin, her expression softened the same way it had when she had gazed at her husband, the dreamy haze in her eyes speaking of a connection and a passion no length of time could tame.

Her focus sharpened on their entwined hands and she took them into hers, studying their youth next to the long life visible on her own skin. When she met their eyes again, she was smiling through unshed tears.

With the formality of an admiral, she first wished them all the best in life and then, letting the rank and remaining defenses fall off her shoulders, she took a shivering breath and continued.

Sinking into her memories, she told them about a love that had one day walked into her life, unexpected and inconvenient, but with a force that could not be ignored. A love that had held her together on an impossible journey through the unknown, a man who had believed in her when she had faltered, supported her when she least deserved.

It took years for her to recognize the gift the universe had handed her, but once she did, she held onto him, never leaving him uncertain of how much he meant to her.

The time she had been granted with him was the most precious of her life. He had given her a home and a daughter, the peace and stability her restless spirit hungered for, his existence forming a solid ground for her to thrive upon. And even though losing him had meant her soul shattering to pieces beyond repair, every remaining breath left in her drawn in hope of somehow meeting him again, she never, ever regretted the day she decided to bind her life together with Chakotay’s.

It was the first time her mother said his name since his death. But once that gate had been opened, there was no need to close it again.

 

 

* * *

 


End file.
